Home is Where My Heart Is – July 20, 2017

I am heading back to Arizona tomorrow and although, I have enjoyed my time with my family, I am ready to be home. I have had trouble sleeping the last couple of nights and I know that it is because I think too much. Yesterday morning I went to the basement apartment that my brother lived in until he passed last year. Everything was just as he left it. My mom hasn’t been able to clean it out and I can’t blame her. I sat down in the bedroom and stared at the wall for what felt like hours. I stood in his closet and traced the shoulders of his shirts with my fingers. As my eyes moved to the top shelf, I saw a leather notebook. I picked it up and started to flip through the pages. He had made a list of the places he wanted to go. Amsterdam, Colorado, Whistler all had a spot on his pages. There were so many thoughts that he captured and reading them made me feel close to him for a brief moment. It feels so unfair that I am a year older and he isn’t here anymore. There is a part of me that wishes I could have taken his place. If given the chance, I would have without a second thought. But that isn’t how it all works. Everything stopped for a minute and I thought back to memories of the crazy things we used to do.
I also had the chance to spoil his daughter Ainsleigh this week. My friend, Chancy, and I took her to my favorite gardens and to lunch on Monday. I give her extra hugs and love on her as much as I can because I need her close to me. She is a beautiful little girl and we talk about her daddy a lot when we are together. She is so witty and her smile melts my heart.
I came home with the intent of a fresh start in a lot of areas of my life and, over this week, I was reminded of all the reasons I left Utah and moved to Arizona 3 years ago. I got a little more closure than I anticipated. I am happier in Arizona and I have finally closed the Utah chapter. I won’t live here again and that is exactly as it should be for now. I know so much more than I did when I left.
There are so many stories within each of our own lives. Chapter after chapter evolves into a lifetime. I struggle with closing them and moving on sometimes, but, we have to get past that threshold in order to move to the next adventure. We don’t know when our story will end and we are not guaranteed a happy ending. We have to build our own happiness now and embrace the beauty that surrounds us. We owe it to all that have not made it as far as we have.
So my friends, over the next 24 months, I will be going to Amsterdam to see the sights, Colorado to explore the Rockies, and to a mountain top in Whistler to behold the beauty that is there. My brother couldn’t make it to all of his places so I will do it for him and I will treasure every moment of the life I have.

Our breath is a gift and adventure feeds our souls. Do not let the days pass you by without acknowledging the opportunity we have in every moment of our own evolution.